Interesting Information
So, yesterday Eddie invited me over to his place. I hesitated for a while & finally decided to head out. I’ll be honest and say that although I don’t look at him the same way I did last year up till this past summer I do still love his company and his friendship. I think above everything else I crave that most from him now. So I went over with all intentions of keeping my heart, head and feet planted firmly on the ground. I was successful at.
Bipolar wasn’t around, apparently she’s left town for “an extended amount of time” I’m not sure how long that is but suffice to say her things are still there so I’m guessing she’ll be back at some point. We talked a bit about that. Eddie said he’s biding his time and that she’s moving out in the Spring. I snorted and reminded him that he’d said the same thing last Spring and she was still firmly planted in his home.
And that’s when the first of two pieces of interesting information was shared with me. He told me that things were getting even worse and he was sure she’d leave soon. He’s decided nothing much is left between them after she “hacked” into his Facebook account, which really means she had his password and logged into it. She read some message he and I had exchanged back in the Spring when we were closer than we are now. Apparently, they were flirtatious. I, honestly, don’t remember how flirtatious they were and I can’t go back to refresh my memory as I deleted all of them. So, I have to take his word for it. At any rate, she doesn’t like me and if I were in her shoes I wouldn’t like me either. Then again if she were fulfilling her part of the “live in girlfriend contract” she wouldn’t have to worry about him running around on her. I’m not saying it’s all her fault but if you don’t want to sleep with your man, go to his gigs and are fucking other men and women then you’ve pretty much set up yourself up.
She apparently threatened to email me but he warned her against it and what not. I told him that it was probably best she hadn’t because depending on my mood at that moment it could have gone one of two ways. I could have laughed it off and called him to tell him what had happened or I could have turned into one catty bitch who goes for the jugular and then all hell would have broken loose. He’s since changed his passwords and she can’t get into his accounts anymore.
Next came our discussion about families and children. It’s strange the things I will tell people, especially men when I am comfortable enough around them. I’ve learned to keep my thoughts, feelings and secrets close to my chest when dealing with people. There are still a few things I’ve never told Stevie or Olive and they’re my best friends. Something not so secret to them but a secret I didn’t share with Eddie until last night was my feelings about children. Earlier in the day when we were talking online I mentioned that if I’d ever had a boy I’d name him Lawrence after my favorite writer and if it were a girl I’d name her Anne Marie after my grandmother. So, maybe it’s because of the Holiday. Christmas seems to be made for children and around this time I’m feeling especially sad that I don’t have children and probably never will. In a month I’ll wonder why on earth I was longing for a baby but right now it’s different. I told him how much I use to want a child and that I’m sad now that I don’t have them. I wonder if it’s just because of the holiday or if it’s because of something deeper. I confessed that I was afraid of ever having an unbreakable connection to a man and that if I had a child with a man, unless the man ran out and never came back I would always be connected even if the relationship didn’t last. I’d never met anyone I’d ever wanted that type of connection with.
Eddie digested this information he gave me the second piece of interesting information. He said that he hadn’t ruled out having children but there was just still so much he wanted to do before he even thought about having a child. I wasn’t sure what to say or think of this information so I just nodded and we moved onto new subjects.
So, the night was interesting and I’m glad of it. I don’t know if I’ll see him any time soon and I think that’s fine. It’s odd how our relationship has developed.
How do you know the girlfriend isn’t sleeping with him? Because he says so?
My ex-husband told his mistress the same thing. “My wife doesn’t love me, we haven’t slept together in months.”
We were having sex four times a week and still going on outings together before I caught him with her in our apartment. So just because they say so, doesn’t make it so. No matter how “well” you know them, you only know what they let you.
However, having read some of the other posts, I don’t think it really matters which man you are with either, so long as you’re with one. Grow up and fix your problems, stop creating more.
To ingenia,
First to your question. You are right I don’t know if what he’s saying is true, just like you don’t know if what I’m saying is true or if I’m only giving part of the information and keeping the rest to myself. You’re quick to assume that he is lying and that I am telling everything. I find that odd considering that judging from your tone you don’t think well of me. Why would you assume I’m saying everything? Why would you assume that men are the only focus on my life? Just as your ex-husband chose to pick and choose and lie to you and his mistress I am picking, choosing and occassionally white lying via a blog.
Second to your comments, thank you for reading some of my posts. It’s too bad you didn’t read all of my post before you chose to speak as I am the first to admit I am one seriously fucked up individual. Yes, I have problems and I tend to create more, so stating the obvious isn’t very productive. However, I’m sure you aren’t trying to help me but rather make yourself feel better by directing your pain, anger and disappointment at me. To this I say so be it.
Finally, know that what ever made him cheat has nothing to do with you and everything to do with where his mind and heart were.
Oh no. I read the ones where you say you are screwed up. You are screwed up because you know what you should be doing and continually ignore it.
Although if you are writing fiction here, you may need to change the plot to keep readers.
It’s interesting that you feel it your duty to point out my flaws as though you think I don’t see them or care. Again you don’t see enough of the picture because of course I don’t paint it all and what you are seeing is colored by your own experiences. I’m not saying it’s bad or good it just is.
And sometimes, I wonder what’s fact and what’s fiction.
Mostly, I suggest you stop reading this and responding not because I’m offended or pissed off because I’m neither & honestly I don’t have a right to. But mostly because I think it’s more damaging to you. You can’t heal if you’re constantly scolding someone and expectiong them to say, “Oh you’re right! I’m chaning my ways!” Especially, when you are smart enough to know it’s not that easy to change someone. If it were my friends would have changed me years ago. Mostly, it can’t be good for you to be going back and forth with someone who isn’t ready and in a way seems to be “egging you on” as it were. I’m not doing intentionally but then again I am.
Thank you for your words.
As for why he left: he was a womanizer.
His mind and heart were on himself. He had bought me roses and a diamond necklace the day before being caught.
You’re well shod of him.
Egging on? Cute.
This was ten years ago and I am happily remarried. I won’t keep responding after this but I do feel for your friends. At some point even they must get tired of the whining.
I think I hit a spot with the egging on comment, my apologizes. I wonder, though, if you’re over it why are you still bringing it up? As for my friends you’ve assumed (again) that all I do is whine to them. While I understand your remarks and bare you no ill will I suggest you stop assuming and I will do the same.
And thank you in advance for refraining from further comment.